


A Gladiolus Heart

by Chrysallion



Category: Inazuma Eleven
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fubuki Shirou-centric, Fubuki is anxious, Fubuki is sad, Gen, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Minor Character Death, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pain, Sick Character, Unrequited Love, goufubu, i miss them, i need goufubu, i need more fics about them, so we have this, three-shot, whoops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22626379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chrysallion/pseuds/Chrysallion
Summary: But he never expected this. No, this was so sudden and Fubuki has never anticipated this to happen. Sure, he may have admitted to himself about having feelings towards a certain flame striker but he tried to push it away, tried to keep the love at bay. Hanahaki Disease AU
Relationships: Endou Mamoru/Kazemaru Ichirouta, Fubuki Shirou/Gouenji Shuuya, Kiyama Tatsuya | Kiyama Hiroto | Gran/Midorikawa Ryuuji | Reize
Comments: 23
Kudos: 91





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone. I've been wanting to write a story for these two for a long while now and here we are. This has been my otp since I was young and I decided to revisit Inazuma Eleven again. While I do enjoy Ares and Orion, my heart still goes to the original storyline. Thus, this fic is following the events of the original anime, during the FFI. This happens right after Fubuki returns from being injured. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy this GouFubu content. There seriously needs to be more fic about them and since I am thirsty for them, I'll provide hehehe.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Inazuma Eleven and any of its characters. I also don't own the iodea of the Hanahaki Disease. But I did add some of my ideas to this fictional disease. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Hanahaki Disease was a nightmare that came overnight. It started spreading five years ago but no one knew how and why it started. It just came so suddenly to several victims— a rapidly spreading virus.

When it first struck, the streets were filled with petals and many cities all over the world smelled like flowers. People here and there coughed up petals of different colors and hearts were aching all around. Some people even died due to the blooming flowers tightening around the heart and extending to the lungs, causing respiratory problems and other complications.

Hospitals were full of people suffering from the same symptoms. The government had to fund medical researches to find information on its causes and a cure for this spreading disease. It was a world-wide state of emergency. Eventually, studies have found that it was an effect of intense psychological and emotional attachment towards another person and if those feelings were unreturned then it led to the growth of flowers in one's heart.

In other words, unrequited love was the cause of Hanahaki Disease. How and why that's possible is still unknown to this day but only people with unrequited love were affected. All the rest who were without romantic love or involved in a healthy, reciprocal relationship were clear from the virus.

Thus, psychology and medical sciences worked hand in hand and found that one of the ways to cure the disease is for the victim's object of affection to reciprocate their romantic feelings. Another way of cure would be removing the flower through surgery but it also meant that one would lose their affection towards their beloved. There were also extreme cases where the removal of the flower would lead the victim to no longer have the ability to fall in love again.

There were many complaints in medical methods such as surgery and the production of pills. Thus, various therapies were developed such as hypnosis as an attempt to forget the feelings but it was only a short-term remedy. As of the moment, the best way was through surgical removal.

Many people called it poetic that one would grow a flower or two in their heart as proof of their intense feelings. But most called it cruel that one-sided love could actually end up killing people in one of the most painful yet beautiful ways. It's almost as if things were better if one would not love at all.

It was a sad reality.

Fubuki Shirou has witnessed it several times in his life and it was not uncommon that he was often the cause of it. It filled him with guilt when many of his female schoolmates fell for him, yet he cannot force himself to love them the way they love him. Thankfully, none of them have perished as they had chosen to have the flower, along with their feelings, surgically removed.

One of his past admirers had been his fellow teammate, Konko. She was a kind and sweet girl and it made him feel bad when he rejected her. But she understood his feelings and went under surgery. Nevertheless, they remained friends although some things between them inevitably changed. But she was still kind, and she held no ill-feelings towards him. He was grateful for that because he truly treasured their friendship.

Aside from Konko, Fubuki has also witnessed many of his other friends suffer from it. In fact, some of the members in Inazuma Japan had it. Kazemaru Ichirouta was the first in the team to be found to have the Hanahaki Disease and was advised to have his romantic feelings removed. But he refused, much to Coach Kudou's dismay and he had him benched on those days.

Thankfully, everything ended well because his feelings were reciprocated and to everyone's surprise, the beautiful and speedy Kazemaru fell in love with their ever-so-happy, soccer-loving Captain Endou Mamoru. And even more surprising was the fact that their Captain felt the same all this time.

Someoka Ryuugo also had it but immediately agreed to perform the surgery. Nobody knew the identity of the person he liked because he kept his ex-crush a secret from everyone. There was also Midorikawa Ryuuji and Kiyama Hiroto who were both cured of their disease the moment they realized that they both like each other after all.

Other than that, it was all good.

Until one night, Fubuki found himself staring at the innocent orange petal on his bedsheet. During the day, he felt his chest hurt and his throat was dry and itchy. He thought that perhaps he had caught a cold as usual--his immune system was something he was not proud of.

But he never expected this. No, this was so sudden and Fubuki has never anticipated this to happen. Sure, he may have admitted to himself about having feelings towards a certain flame striker but he tried to push it away, tried to keep the love at bay.

They were in the Football Frontier Internationals for heaven's sake! He knew that if he succumbed to his feelings, he would be nothing more than dead weight to the team. And that was something he never wanted to be.

Deep inside, he knew Gouenji would never want him. Sure, the flame striker, along with the rest of the team, were open-minded to any kind of relationship but that doesn't mean that Gouenji is gay, right? Someone as cool and striking as Gouenji probably would prefer a girlfriend equally as great as him. Or a really exceptional man if he was to be interested in the same sex.

Someone who was confident in their own identity and skills, and not an anxious, doubtful person like Fubuki. Someone who had a clear purpose in life and not like Fubuki who was still at loss at what he wanted to do.

He tried to avoid Gouenji Shuuya even if that meant spending less time with him. Even if that meant that he had to watch what he thought was an innocent crush grow further away from him. Even if it meant putting a line between them and sacrificing their growing bond. Even if that meant his heart aching in jealousy whenever he saw the flame striker grow closer with the younger, talented Toramaru.

But it was all in vain, Fubuki realized. The more he tried to prevent himself from falling in love with the flame striker, the deeper he fell down the rabbit hole. And now he was in too deep, jealous and regretful of the chances he had let go. Fubuki suddenly lamented running away from his feelings instead of facing it. He regretted being an indecisive coward.

He started coughing again and this time, more petals started falling out of the space between his lips. The pain in his chest was unbearable and his throat felt dry and itchy. There was a handful of petals on his sheets by now and it would be hard to explain that. He forced himself up as he reached for the bottle of water he kept on his bedside table.

He chugged the bottle down, hoping to ease the pain but it only made him feel like he was choking instead. He took deep breaths and he could almost feel it; the petals still stuck in his throat, waiting for him to release them.

After forcing himself to finish his drink, he got off his bed. With the intention of going out, he quickly wore a hoody and took his phone and wallet. He glanced at the petals scattered all over the bedsheets, some on the floor, and noted to himself that he had to clean it up later.

It was late at night and everyone was probably asleep. But he knew that there was a 24/7 pharmacy nearby. He just needed to get himself a medicine and come back before anyone realized that he even left.

He remembered when he had a roommate back in Hokkaido who got the disease but didn't want to undergo surgery. The guy would take a red pill that would relieve the pain for a few hours. It was not an effective medicine for cure but it was good for hiding the symptoms.

His old roommate, Toshiro, got over his crush on his own terms and didn't need surgery. Fubuki thought that maybe he could do the same. He just needs to hide his symptoms and settle his feelings on his own. After all, he witnessed his roommate cry over a girl, but when he finally moved on, he was functioning almost normally, if not for the reported feeling of numbness in his heart.

Although it would be sad to let go, he was willing to take the risk. Fubuki knows can do the same. He won't make anyone worry. No one will ever know that he had this problem in the first place. This will all be a nightmare that would end soon enough.

When he arrived at the pharmacy, the cashier looked like a zombie at night. Fubuki could sympathize with him, he too had part-time jobs way back in Hokkaido to support himself and graveyard shifts were the worst nights.

"I'd like to have a red pill, " Fubuki said in the softest voice as he tugged his hood down to hide his face. He wondered why the drug was never given a name aside from the "red pill". But then he thought about it, the drug itself was frowned upon by most people, doctors especially. It was responsible for many deaths because it hid the symptoms and people wouldn't notice the victim's quiet suffering until it was too late.

The cashier suddenly was alert as he stared wide-eyed at the mention of the drug he asked for. Nevertheless, the boy took one red container of the said drug before looking at him, worry marring his expression. Feeling conscious, Fubuki tugged his hood down once more, hoping that the other won't recognize him. He didn't want any rumors going around about Inazuma Japan having a member with Hanahaki and trying to hide it. It would give a bad reputation to their team and their Coach, especially.

"I don't want to pry but, " the young cashier spoke, voice unsure, "I don't know you and you probably don't care about what I say but I don't think it's the best option to hide what you're feeling. You need to do something about that like maybe a confession in case it's mutual or surgery before it's too late."

 _I know_ , Fubuki thought solemnly, _but I need to do this. I have to do this. Otherwise, I'd be worrying everyone and be a burden again. And Gouenji-kun would be ridden with guilt. I don't want that._

The cashier seemed to have noticed that he wasn't saying anything because he sighed and started accounting for his order. "That would be $10."

Fubuki dug into his pocket before giving the said amount to the cashier, muttering a quiet thanks. The cashier spoke one last time, "I had a friend who had the Hanahaki disease too. He hid it from everyone, including the one he loved. He died running away and he never knew that the love he left behind was not one-sided after all. I know that fear isn't always bad but sometimes being too much of a coward can kill you."

Fubuki walked away, blocking the rest of his story. He knew that this was unlike him. He was a listener, even when it was strangers speaking to him. But not now, he didn't want to listen. He wanted to block the rest of the world out. He knew that he was being cowardly for running away, they didn't need to tell him that. But even so, sometimes running away was better than facing the problem.

It would be better off to hide than hinder his team. They had one goal and that was to win the internationals. He didn't want to distract them from that goal. And most of all, he had to kill the fire in his heart before it burns him.

If he told everyone of his condition and they ask him who he fell for, it won't be like Someoka who knew how to say no. He'd give in and spill, and if he told everyone that he liked Gouenji, it might pressure the other into liking him or making him feel like it was the flame striker's fault. It would put a strain on their already fragile relationship.

But why won't he get surgery? Fubuki wondered that too. It would be faster and he could do it in secret where no one would even know. Surgeries were funded by the government so he wouldn't need to worry financially. It was the most practical choice.

But since when was he practical when it came to love? Perhaps he just didn't want to kill his love that easily. Perhaps he just wanted to hold on to the feelings a little more before it fades away. Perhaps he was just a masochist wanting to relish the pain for a moment.

He just wants to hold on to Gouenji before he lets him go. It's not like he had him in the first place but this was the closest thing he held on. He didn't want to lose it just yet.

 _If Atsuya was still here, he'd be disappointed_. Fubuki thought with a sad smile as he walked the lonely path back to his room _, if it was a choice between love and his dream, he'd choose soccer without hesitation. And here I am, indecisive as always._

He felt a familiar pain in his chest and a strange sensation of something rising up his throat. Panicked, he brought his hand up to cover his lips before rushing to his room, trying to be fast yet quiet as much a possible. Though he was aware of his footsteps echoing down the hall, he could only hope that everyone was deep in their sleep.

His door was right in front of him, opening it and quickly slamming it closed before petals shot out of his mouth like confetti. Great, his room was a complete mess now. The petals were everywhere—on the bed, on the floor, on his desk and even in his open luggage.

With hands shaking, he dug into his pocket for the red pill, placed one inside his mouth and swallowed painfully. He closed his eyes, taking deep breaths as he waited for the drug to take effect. He knows it won't take long. Soon enough, the pain subsided and the lump in his throat was gone.

There was a ringing silence as he let himself close his eyes and rest, slumped against the closed door and legs sprawled on the cold floor. There was so much to do, so many to clean. Yet he let himself relax for a moment and clear his mind. But a soft knock disturbed that moment.

"Fubuki?" Oh does fate hate him so much? A familiar voice belonging to no other than Gouenji Shuuya came from the other side. "Is something wrong? I heard a loud slam in your room."

How lucky is he to have his crush's room beside him.

"Fubuki-kun?" Came another voice, belonging to Kiyama Hiroto whose room was also beside his. Great, more people to face.

Not trusting himself to stand and open the door to face them, he said, "Yeah, I'm fine." He tried to sound as light as possible, "I just went from the bathroom and closed the door a little too hard. I'm sorry for the trouble."

"Are you sure?" Hiroto's soft voice asked, worry laced in his tone. Fubuki felt guilty for having disturbed them so even when he didn't feel like it, he stood up and opened the door only ever so little so they don't see the mess inside.

Giving the best smile he could muster, Fubuki looked them in the eyes and said, "I'm fine. I'm just a little nervous about tomorrow's match is all. But otherwise, I'm good."

"You don't need to worry," Gouenji said with the smallest of smiles, barely seen in the shadows of the night, painting his face, "you're doing great."

"Thank you," Fubuki said softly, a little out of breath and heart beating quick. His cheeks were warm and he thanked the darkness for covering his blush.

Hiroto smiled at both of them and said, "Well, I'm glad things are okay then. It'd be best if we get some rest. Tomorrow's a big day for us.”

"Yup!” Fubuki agreed, as enthusiastic as he could be before facing the other two with a more genuine smile, "Thanks for your concern. Good night, Hiroto-kun, Gouenji-kun."

“Good night, " Hiroto said first, leaving both of them with a gentle smile on his face. He stifled a yawn as he quietly dragged his feet back to his room next door.

Fubuki turned to his other visitor, a little nervous to be left alone with him. Gouenji was still staring at him as if he was analyzing him. After some time, the flame striker then spoke, "you can always tell me if you need anything."

"That's kind of you, Gouenji-kun, " Fubuki replied, his soft and calm voice masking his nervousness. There was silence between the two of them as they thought of what words were needed to say. Fubuki schooled yet another smile and said, " I'm sorry for being too loud. Did I wake you?"

"It really didn't matter. I was already awake." Gouenji replied calmly before smiling again, "if you're nervous about playing tomorrow, just know that you have improved greatly, Fubuki. I can tell that you've gotten stronger."

"Ah, thank you, Gouenji-kun." He chuckled softly, feeling the butterflies in his stomach flutter at the compliment, "I think you've improved so much too. I mean, you're already amazing as it is but you continue to get better."

"It's a product of hard work and discipline," Gouenji replied calmly with a smile. The flame striker then patted the smaller on the shoulder and said, "We're a team here and we work to get stronger and better together. Don't be too hard on yourself, we're right here for you."

Fubuki felt as if his heart was stabbed by the words. It was heartwarming but it didn't help him with the guilt he was feeling right now. Gouenji's faith and trust towards the team were admirable and here Fubuki was, hiding things from them.

"It's time for us to get some rest now. It won't be good for us is we lacked sleep tomorrow." Gouenji smiled as he patted Fubuki on the shoulder again--the ice forward can only relish on his warmth before it left. "Good night."

"Good night," Fubuki whispered as the hand finally left and he could only dream of its heat longingly. His heart skipped a beat and he scolded himself for being so emotionally weak when it came to the fire striker. He watched as the other walked back to the room next door, hand on the handle before he paused and spoke.

"Ah, by the way, Fubuki." He said as if he had just remembered something. He turned his way with concern laced on his expression, "you should ask for a medicine from the managers. I know you get sick a lot so you need to take care of yourself. You were coughing pretty hard, weren't you?"

The warmth he felt immediately died down as his body froze in fear. His smile died faster than the wisps of smoke from a dying pyre. He heard him. Gouenji heard him. Fubuki can't suppress the shock and he felt the fear of being found crippling him.

Gouenji seemed to have noticed, or maybe Fubuki was just too paranoid. The flame striker held him under his gaze--those dark eyes that never seem to leave anything unnoticed. Those eyes that see through every fiber of Fubuki—eyes that see his bare soul.

The flame striker disappeared behind the doors, leaving Fubuki frozen on the spot. It almost felt like that night when Gouenji left him alone to face the thunderstorm. The other would give him a taste of his kindness, his presence and then leave him behind, begging and desperate. But now, he was just afraid.

After quite some time, Fubuki finally retreated in his room. Just seeing the petals scattered inside reminded him of his predicament and made him feel nauseous. His building feelings of fear and anxiety suffocated and choked him and once again, despite the medicine he had just taken, he coughed up a couple of petals for a while. As quietly as he tried to suppress them, he's pretty sure the other striker heard him through the thin walls between their rooms.

 _I'm sorry, Gouenji-kun,_ he thought sadly, _it looks like despite not wanting to worry you, I'm gonna end up doing so._

That night, Fubuki swallowed two more doses of the pills despite the bitter taste and the nausea it left him. He spent a while cleaning his room before he collapsed on his bed, tired and spent.

He found himself drifting into a dreamless sleep. A calm before the storm he was to face tomorrow. Because the very next day, Fubuki found himself dizzy and disoriented. Upon forcing himself off his bed, he fell to the ground with a loud thud.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter of the story. Please enjoy <3

Fubuki woke up with a splitting headache. 

Perhaps it was because he slept too late after overthinking and cleaning the night before. Or perhaps it was also because he woke up later than usual and was startled by the loud knocking on his door. 

"Fubuki-kun!" Came Aki's voice, "Breakfast is ready! Today's the match against America, you need to eat up and prepare!"

Her voice was quite soft and her knocking was loud enough to be heard but not too loud that it was disturbing however, for some reason, Fubuki's senses were quite sensitive today. The sound was too sharp for his ears and when he opened his eyes, the light from his window was too bright and it stung. 

Fubuki woke up with a splitting headache.

He wondered, perhaps this was because of his recently discovered disease. The flower blooming in his heart was limiting his oxygen. Every breath he took; he could feel the petals by his throat threatening to spill. Every beat of his heart was constricted by the flowers growing around it and it hurts. 

Fubuki wondered what kind of flower grew within him. The orange petals he coughed up were unfamiliar to him. It was probably some flower that never grew in Hokkaido. He could vaguely remember the fact told to him that Hanahaki flowers growing inside you were a representation of your loved one. He wondered what flower Gouenji represented—what flower the flame striker unknowingly planted in his heart. 

His train of thought was halted when he was once again called by Aki. Then when his muddled mind had finally processed Aki's words—that today was the match—he bolted up too quickly and the room swirled in his vision.

He held his head and groaned. His breathing was ragged and he could feel the petals rising up and threatening to spill. The urge to cough it up and puke were so strong but he held back, knowing he could be heard by one of their managers.

"Fubuki-kun?" Aki's worried voice brought his attention back to the situation at hand and he realized, even more, the gravity of his situation. He can't let them worry or else they might realize his secret. He opened his mouth to speak but that had been a huge mistake. For the petals came out uncontrollably and he was coughing up like there was no tomorrow. 

It sounded painful. And it was truly as painful, perhaps even more than how it sounds. He could hear Aki's worried voice growing louder behind the door and in his panic, he tried to stand up. Bad idea. He lost his balance and fell down with a loud thump.

The sound seemed to have alerted Aki as she said, "Don't worry. Just wait a moment, Fubuki-kun, " she said, trying to sound as assuring as possible despite the obvious panic in her voice, "I'll get the keys and come back for you." 

He could hear her frantic footsteps run down the halls, probably to get his room's key and alert the coach. This was bad. This was really _really_ bad. He needed to do something or else his secret would be short-lived and he knew damn well that there would be hell to pay. Both by the coach's consequences and by the confrontation he'd have to face with the team and most scarily, with Gouenji. 

He knew him well. He knew that the other won't give up on him until he would be fine. He knew by experience with the Aliea fiasco. The team would be all over him again, his Captain would be stuck by his side, Kidou would be keeping an eye on him and Gouenji—Gouenji would stop at nothing to help him in his own—albeit harsh—ways. 

He'd unravel his secrets and Fubuki would have to lay himself bare. Just like how he told him about the avalanche and Atsuya. He'd come crashing to him like a force with eyes like embers then leave him with a gentle caress and a kind smile. Just like before. 

He'd know everything. He'd eventually know the identity of Fubuki's crush. And if that happened, he might feel obligated to return to his feelings just to save him. Or maybe he'd flat out reject him and tell him to get the surgery. He didn't know which was worse. Both sounded so painful and Fubuki was just so afraid. 

He knew that running away was never the best option. But there are some things you just can't face. This, in Fubuki's fear-clouded mind, was one of those things. He can't face the consequences. So he chose the best option: run away. Cover it up. Shove it under the bed and hidden under lock and key. 

Despite the pain, he willed himself up. The room was swirling in his vision but he could still somewhat see the red bottle on his bedside table. With his shaking feet, he stood up with difficulty and grasped the bottle with trembling hands. He swallowed down one pill, but then he thought that perhaps it won't be enough, he swallowed two more. 

Taking a breath or two, he closed his eyes and waited for the pill to take effect. However, when he could hear the footsteps return and this time there was more than one, he panicked once again. He could hear Endou's voice and he knew the others were coming too. 

His eyes traveled down to the petals on his bed and on the floor. Without thinking, he pulled his bedsheets off the mattress and shoved them to the laundry basket and quickly swept the petals under the bed with his hands at an alarming speed. It was the adrenaline making him do this and he momentarily forgot the pain in his chest and head.

By the time the others had opened the door, Fubuki was facing them with a sheepish look on his face. He feigned innocence and acted confused about everyone's reaction. 

"Fubuki-kun!" Aki called out worriedly behind Endou, scanning him up and down to see if he was as hurt as she imagined, "Are you alright?" 

"Yeah, I am." Fubuki scratched his cheek, a strained smile on his face as he began his act. He felt guilty for lying to his teammates but he had to do this. He faced them with an embarrassed look and said, "I kind of had a bad dream and fell down by the bed. I'm sorry about that." 

"Oh, " Aki replied before she looked embarrassed for assuming the worst and also relieved that it wasn't as bad as she thought, "but you were coughing so badly." 

"Ah, " Fubuki said as he covered his mouth with his hand and faked a few coughs but not too hard because they might trigger the petals to spill again, "I'm sorry. I caught a cold yesterday. I tried swimming at the beach and I guess I wasn't careful." 

"Oh that's right, " Endou spoke as if he just realized, "You just recently came back so you haven't tried the beach yet. You should have told us; we could have gone with you." 

"I didn't want to disturb anyone." Fubuki smiled at him, "but I'll make sure to tell you next time, Captain." 

"Make sure you do! And you won't be disturbing anyone! We're a team here, there's no use being shy!" He patted Fubuki at the back and said, " Thank goodness you're alright though! You should change quickly; we'll be waiting for you downstairs!" 

"Sure!" Fubuki said with a genuine smile, touched by his Captain's warm words, "I'll be down in a few. I'm sorry for worrying everyone though." He bowed at those who came to check him in apology. 

"No, no." Aki interrupted with a soft smile, "I should be the one to apologize for panicking without confirming anything. I'm glad you're alright, Fubuki-kun. Please take care of yourself more." 

"I'll be more careful next time, Aki-san" the Hokkaido player replied softly and with a hint of guilt. 

"I'll give you some medicine and tea for your colds. Food is downstairs!" She waved goodbye and followed the rest of the leaving team, "Take care of yourself okay? You guys have a match today, make sure you're in condition to play." 

"Yes ma'am, " Fubuki replied with a mock salute, which earned a giggle from Aki. When she left, he sighed and was about to close the door when a familiar voice called him out, causing his heart to skip a beat. 

"Fubuki, " Gouenji made this presence known as he was leaning on the wall beside Fubuki's door. No wonder Fubuki didn't see him from inside. He was there all along? The snow forward-defender felt a blush creep up his face as he realized that his crush just heard his lame excuse. "Are you sure you're alright?" 

"Huh?" Fubuki blinked, dumbfounded and a little mesmerized, "yeah? I mean–yes! Yes, I'm perfectly fine Gouenji-kun. Just woke up wrong but I'm fine." 

"You're swaying." The flame striker's warm hands held his shoulders as he tried to steady him. He stared at him for a while, just as intensely as last night and Fubuki felt his face heat up again before his crush placed his forehead against the smaller's and Fubuki's mind went blank with their sudden closeness. "You don't seem to have a fever." 

_So close!_ Fubuki's eyes were wide and his face was as red as a tomato. He could see his crush's long lashes—they were beautiful— and the slope of his nose. _How could anyone look so gorgeous?_ Gouenji was perfect—he looked like a Greek God and Fubuki, with his bed hair and in his pajamas, felt like a potato in his presence. 

"You're a little warmer though, " the taller pulled away and held a worried frown when he faced him, "and your face is redder. Are you sure you're okay?" 

"Y-yeah." Fubuki stuttered as he averted his gaze, too shy to meet his crush's eyes in his current state. He was in his pajamas for Heaven's sake! Meanwhile, Gouenji was already set for the day and looking like he could walk into a photoshoot any moment now. He unconsciously pulled his bangs lower to cover part of his face, "I fell off my bed and hit my head so I guess I'm a little dizzy but nothing too serious." 

"Fubuki, " Gouenji's deep voice and slightly scolding tone made the smaller flinch before he dared to look at the elder's face. The flame striker schooled a hard expression but there was also a hint of worry in his eyes, " You're lying to me."

"No, I'm not," Fubuki replied quickly, shaking his head a bit but that act caused his headache to worsen. Gouenji seemed to have noticed as he held on to the smaller tighter when he swayed. Breathing deeply, the smaller said, "I'm fine, Gouenji-kun. This is nothing too serious." 

"Last time you said nothing, you were suffering on your own and almost had another breakdown," Gouenji replied with brutal honesty and Fubuki almost winced at his words. He held the smaller in his gaze before he sighed. His eyes traveled to look at Fubuki's mattress without its sheets. He looked like he was contemplating whether he should ask about it or not before he shook his head and said, "I'll wait for you outside. Let's head down together just to be sure you won't fall off the stairs." 

The smaller would have pouted at the other's words if he had not been panicking over what lies he should tell next. So he simply nodded and gently closed the door on him. He was relieved when the flame striker decided not to ask about his empty mattress. He had not thought up an excuse for that and he didn't want to look more stupid than he already was. He had a hunch that the striker knew he was lying— no, scratch that, he's definite that Gouenji already knew he was lying. 

Fubuki loves Gouenji but sometimes he hoped the other wasn't so observant. Or perhaps he would have used his observation skills in stuff other than Fubuki's problems and lies—like maybe notice his feelings for him? Or maybe not, Fubuki wouldn't want his direct rejection. 

After his quick change, and after placing the red bottle in his pocket in case he might need it later, Fubuki opened the door and found Gouenji patiently waiting for him outside. Who gave him the right to look so cool? His back leaning against the wall with a hand in his pocket and a serious expression on his handsome face. 

He glanced at him before acknowledging him with a nod. Fubuki nodded back out of politeness but the small movement caused a ripple in his head that triggered his dizzy spell to return. Although it was less powerful and Fubuki was glad that the pills were slowly doing its job. 

Gouenji placed a hand on his shoulder when he started to sway again. "Fubuki, " he said as they slowly started walking towards the stairs leading to the dining hall. "Just tell me when you need anything. I'm here for you." He paused for a short moment as if he was in deep thought before he gently squeezed his shoulder, "We're all here for you." 

His hand is so warm, Fubuki thought before he nodded and smiled, "Thank you, Gouenji-kun."

The day went by as normal as possible. They played against America's team: The Unicorn, against Domon and Ichinose. Fubuki felt nostalgic playing with them again, although this time as rivals. He was even able to shoot a goal using The Hurricane with Kazemaru. He was very glad that his debut stage to the world was successful. Halfway through the game though, Fubuki was slowing down as his symptoms were starting to return. 

During the halftime, he rushed to the comfort room to take his pills in private—and probably cough and vomit a few petals on the toilet before he flushed them. He and Gouenji did stare at each other for a few seconds but he was glad the other didn't come up to talk to him. Not that they had any time because the second half of the game began and by then, Fubuki's full focus was on the match. 

By the time evening came, everything was a blur. The team talked about their win and started speculating about who their next opponent would be. A few others were also discussing what they needed to improve for the next match and what strategies the team needed to have in order to get stronger. 

Fubuki wasn't part of any of it though. He was too busy forcing himself to swallow the food down. He felt like puking them and his throat felt too tight as it was occupied by the petals. He could feel it every time he swallowed his food and the fullness in his throat made him gag. But he had to act normal or else, the others might be suspicious of him again. 

He eyed the medicine for his supposed cold placed beside his water. He knows that Aki and the others were keeping an eye and making sure he was taking them. He also knew that it was dangerous to take another medicine when you're taking the red pill—it was written as a warning on the label, but he had to keep up his act. 

Surely, just one won't be too bad right? He'd probably puke the medicine out after dinner anyway so he won't have to suffer any side effects, hopefully. So when Fubuki finally finished his dinner, he quickly drank the medicine and was the first to leave the dining table with an excuse to sleep early. 

"The medicine is making me feel drowsy, " he explained which made sense and was easily accepted by others without much suspicion. Everyone seemed to not notice anything so Fubuki calmly left. 

He'll just rush to the comfort room while everyone was busy talking, vomit the pill and the petals to give him space to breathe, take a shower and retire for the night. At least that was the plan. 

However, things don't always go according to plan, do they? 

"Fubuki-kun, wait up!" He heard someone call him when he went upstairs. He silently cursed to himself before he schooled a soft smile and faced one of his closest teammates, Kiyama Hiroto. 

"Yes, Hiroto-kun?" He smiled with a bit of effort. Don't get him wrong, he likes Hiroto. It's just that now was not the perfect timing for a conversation with the redhead. "Can I help you with anything?" 

"Are you going to shower?" Hiroto asked him with a gentle smile. "I'm going to shower too. Let's shower together." 

Fubuki blinked at him, dumbfounded. Momentarily forgetting his current predicament, he cast Hirito a judging look, "I don't know about you, Hiroto-kun but Midorikawa-kun is my friend and I don't want to steal what's his.

"No, no! That's not what I mean, oh god!" Hiroto shook his head with a slight blush on his face. He suddenly appeared more anxious than usual as he looked left and right before he took Fubuki's hand and pulled him to his room, "Follow me please!" 

Fubuki blinked as he was being dragged across the hallway and not so gently pushed into the redhead's room. He turned around in confusion as he watched his friend lock the door and turn to him with a sheepish look on his face. Normally, Fubuki would tease him but there was bile rising up his throat so he crossed his arms and looked at the other impatiently, "Okay, spill. What do you want?" 

"So uhh, you were with Ryuuji, right?" Hiroto started, voice soft and eyes looking anywhere but at Fubuki. The smaller raised an eyebrow at him like duh, they were both left behind, of course, they were together! They needed to train to be stronger! But he just nodded, opting not to be sarcastic with his friend. Hiroto looked relieved. He was glad that he was currently talking with Fubuki and not people like Suzuno or Nagumo who would undoubtedly take advantage of his embarrassment. 

"Why? Do you need anything?" Fubuki asked, trying to sound as gentle and patient as possible despite his clenched fists because of the painful petals threatening to come out and it's only by his willpower that he's still standing here, looking as if everything was alright. 

"I actually have a question." Hiroto started, "you see. Ever since we've been away, Ryuuji has been acting strangely and I really want to know why but I don't know how to ask him and it's kind of hard via call. Do you perhaps know anything?"

"What do you mean he's acting strangely?" Fubuki tilted his head to the side in confusion as he tried to recall his days with Midorikawa. Aside from training and a few conversations, his green-haired friend looked cheerful, "I don't remember anything strange when I was with him." 

"Really?" Hiroto looked relieved but still a little worried, "So he's not angry or anything with me, right?" He looked adorable. This was a side of Hiroto you don't get to witness often and Fubuki smiled as he admired how Midorikawa has such an effect towards the usually calm Hiroto. 

"Really." Fubuki patted his shoulder with a smile, "Midorikawa-kun, in fact, kept talking about you whenever we went out after training. He said he's going to work harder to keep up with you. He misses you and wants to see you as soon as possible. Maybe you should call him tonight again. He'd be happy to speak with you."

"Oh, " Hiroto sighed, looking relieved and in love at the same time. A soft smile graced his features and he looked beautiful at that moment. Fubuki had to look away and keep the jealousy that was growing within him at bay. He knew he had to be happy for his friends that they found love and that he shouldn't be comparing it to his bitter one-sided crush. "Yeah. I think I'll do that. Thank you, Fubuki-kun." 

"You're welcome, Hiroto-kun." Fubuki smiled, pushing the bitter feelings away. Just then, his throat started constricting, a familiar painful feeling rising up from his chest had him facing Hiroto with a fake smile masking his panic. He patted the other's shoulder harder than intended as a gesture of goodbye before he tried to rush out of the other's room. 

"Wait, Fubuki-kun!" Hiroto took him by the hand again, unaware of his current state of panic, "I still think that we should head to the showers together but I meant in different stalls, okay?" 

When he was met with silence, Hiroto tilted his head in worry and confusion. "Fubuki-kun?" He walked around to face his friend but Fubuki was covering his lips and refused to look at Hiroto. 

"H-Hiroto-kun, " Fubuki's voice was small and trembling, holding back what was about to come out. He looked at his friend pleadingly, unable to utter another word. But before Hiroto could even think of what could possibly be wrong with his friend, his answer came when a small petal fell in between the gaps of his friend's fingers. 

Just then, Fubuki started coughing uncontrollably, orange petals raining down painfully and mercilessly. Hirito could only stare at him with wide eyes, watching the smaller crumble down to the floor, trembling in pain, looking so beautifully broken. His eyes were shut and he looked like he was in agony and Hiroto knew, by the faint memory of his own experience, just how painful this was. 

He acted out almost immediately as soon as the gravity of the situation crashed down on him. He crouched down to hold his friend and watched worriedly at the amount of petals he was coughing up. The floor he was kneeling on had a pile of petals and by the looks of it, Hiroto thought that Fubuki must have been hiding his disease for a while now. 

The grey-haired boy was fumbling with his pocket for something. And when he pulled out the red pill, Hiroto's eyes grew wide and he forcefully pulled it out of his friend's hands. "No, Fubuki-kun!" He said, almost sounding angry, "This is dangerous. You shouldn't be taking this. It's only going to make things worse for you!" 

"P-please!" Fubuki begged his friend, trembling hands reaching out for salvation only to be kept further out of his reach by Hiroto. "I-I need it! Hiroto-kun, please!" 

"No, you don't!" Hiroto replied back, a rare look of anger on his usually calm face, " I'm not going to let you destroy yourself like that. Are you even aware of what this is going to do to you? They're planning to make this thing illegal, you know? Cause it would only make your situation worse!" 

"No, " Fubuki shook his head, "I'll be fine! Just, please! It hurts!" He clutched a hand over his chest, each beat of his heart felt like it was on fire, each breath he took felt like he was being choked rather than taking in the air. "Please, I need the pain to stop. Make it stop." 

When the tears finally fell, Hiroto's angry look crumbled. He then pulled Fubuki in an embrace and patted his back softly, "Just let it come out naturally, Fubuki-kun. I know it hurts but it's only going to hurt more when you take this pill." He then sobbed, "Please, I don't want a friend to die on me." 

Fubuki fell silent at those words, tears falling out of his eyes consecutively. He coughed a few more times, pain spreading all over his body until it finally stopped. By then, he no longer had the energy to move. His head was spinning and even breathing felt like a chore. 

He felt Hiroto lift him up before he finally succumbed to the darkness. 

* * *

The next day, Fubuki woke up with another splitting headache. However, this time it was worse. The white ceiling of his own room was spinning and he had to close his eyes because the sight made him dizzier and gave him the urge to puke. 

"Fubuki-kun?" He heard Hiroto's voice beside him and the events of last night flashed before his eyes. Fubuki's eyes widened in panic. 

He knows. Hiroto knows. His secret is out. Do the others know too? Are they going to send him back to Japan? Are they going to force him to get surgery? _Does Gouenji know too?_

Hiroto seemed to have sensed his worries as he said, "Fubuki-kun, calm down. I haven't told anyone yet, don't worry." He placed a hand on Fubuki's forehead, " You have a high fever, you should take the day off today." 

"No, " Fubuki protested, "I just came back, I can't get sick." He tried to raise from his lying position only to be pushed back down by the ex-alien. 

"No, don't be stubborn. You're staying here or else I'll tell everyone your secret." Hiroko isn't really fond of blackmailing others, especially his friends but he knows how stubborn Fubuki could be. This was the only way to get him to listen. "You wouldn't be this sick in the first place if you weren't taking that drug. I threw it away, by the way." 

Fubuki turned to glare at him but it lost its ferocity due to his weakened state. Now he just looks tired and broken. He looked like he was about to complain but Hiroto had more words to say. 

"Why did you keep this a secret? Why didn't you tell me? When I had this disease, I may have kept this a secret to everyone but I told you, didn't I?" Hiroto asked, sounding a bit hurt that the friend he trusted didn't trust him back. Fubuki kept quiet as he looked away guiltily. "I could have helped you, you know. I won't judge you or anything. I just want to help." 

_I know_ , Fubuki thought to himself. He wanted to tell Hiroto but he was scared too. Scared that something like this would happen. Scared that he'd be worrying others and become a burden again. Now that he thought about it, he was in his room again and there were fresh sheets on his mattress. Hiroto must have gone through the trouble of carrying him and making his bed. 

"And the red pill. Why did you take it? That's dangerous. I never took that for a reason. It won't make you feel better and it suppresses the symptoms." He took a deep breath before he cast another glare, "you coughed up a lot last night. Those must be all the petals you were suppressing, huh? How long have you been keeping them trapped inside you? Weeks? That's toxic, you know?" 

"I know," Fubuki replied, eyes shut in pain and his voice small, sad and guilty. Hiroto's eyes softened. "But I didn't expect it to be like this. I mean, I just discovered this recently too.”

"Recently?" Hiroto asked in disbelief, eyebrows raised, "When? A week ago?" 

"Remember when I woke you and Gouenji-kun up the other night because I shut the door too loud?"

"Yeah?" Hiroto replied slowly, realization dawning on him but he didn't want to believe it, "no way. Don't tell me—“

"Yeah. I just discovered it that night." The smaller said softly, "I just bought the medicine that day."

"But the amount you coughed up last night, " Hiroto recalled, "it almost looked like you were suppressing the petals for a week or more. How did it get to be so many? "Hiroto asked before he suddenly remembered, "Wait. You don't really have a cold, do you?" 

"No, " Fubuki admitted, "I lied to them." 

"And you took the medicine Aki gave you." Hiroto said in disbelief, "You're not supposed to take another medicine when you're taking that damned pill, Fubuki Shirou." 

"I know, " Fubuki winced at the mention of his full name in Hiroto's rarely used harsh tone and looked away, " I planned on vomiting it out of my system after dinner but well, you know what happened next." 

The two of them were silent after that for a while. Hiroto was lost in his thoughts, wondering how he hadn't noticed, blaming himself for stopping Fubuki last night but also wondering how long Fubuki would keep this if he hadn't found out. It hadn't been this long and his friend already had severe symptoms. Fubuki, on the other hand, could only try to deal with the pain and is bashing himself for being careless and for worrying his friend just when he was trying not to do just that. 

"You're not..." Fubuki trailed, hesitating whether he should ask or not. He swallowed a bit and only realized how dry his mouth felt. Hiroto seemed to have noticed and offered him water after helping him up. He waited for the other to feel better to continue. "You're not going to tell the others, would you, Hiroto-kun?"

"That depends." Was Hiroto's unsettling answer. " I know you don't want me to tell them so I won't for now. But you must promise me not to take that stupid pill again." When he saw the other nod slightly and look down with a guilty expression, he cast him a small smile, "I'll keep your secret for you. But if I deem that it's not good anymore or if things get worse, I'm telling." 

"I'll try to be better, " Fubuki said with a bit of determination despite his weak state, "I promise." 

"Good." Hiroto smiled at him before he stood. "And you're staying in bed today. I'll tell the others you have a fever." 

Fubuki looked like he wanted to protest but only one look at Hiroto’s eyes, he knew the other would truly act out on his threat from earlier so he only pouted and agreed. 

"Good. Rest well then, I'll ask the managers to bring your food here." Hiroto smiled at him and was about to leave the room before he suddenly stopped, "oh and, it's Gouenji, isn't it?"

"Huh?" the smaller one looked at the redhead with wide eyes and growing blush. "What do you-" 

"It's Gouenji." Hiroto repeated with a teasing tone and the mischievous glint in his eyes. "The one you like."

Fubuki blinked twice in shock. Was it obvious? Fubuki thought he hid his feelings pretty well. And he thought he made an impression to the team that he liked girls. But then he remembered that Hiroto wasn't there when he flirted with girls for information back when they were still fighting against Aliea Academy. 

"Gladiolus," Hiroto said with a smirk, "the petals you were coughing was from a Gladiolus flower. It represents strength, honor and moral integrity. It also signifies deep passion. I don't know anyone who is strong, honorable and morally integrated with a deep passion but Gouenji. Well, there might be others like that but you know, the flower depends on your view towards your love too. There's no one else that fits that description in your eyes but Gouenji, right?" 

"Stop it, " Fubuki groaned, face redder than it already was, "Stop making me feel giddy and embarrassed at the same time." 

"You're adorable, Fubuki-kun. And that's what you get for hiding things from me." Hiroto laughed at him before adding, "Maybe I should have Gouenji deliver your food for you, hm?" 

"Stop that!" Fubuki whined, even more, embarrassed as he was teased. He glared at Hiroto but it only caused the other to chuckle. “No, don’t you even dare, okay?”

"And then he'll feed you himself." 

"Ughh" Fubuki groaned before he threw a pillow at Hiroto who caught it. Despite his weakened state, Fubuki still has some force left with him. If it wasn’t a pillow, Hiroto knew it would hurt, "Get out now!" 

"Yes, yes. This is what I get for being a good friend." Hirito faked a sad tone as he shook his head and gently threw the pillow back at the bed, making sure it won’t hit his friend’s head, "I was only looking out for you though and this is how you treat me. Tsk tsk."

Fubuki stifled a laugh before he said "Thanks, Hiroto-kun." 

"Anytime." Hiroto winked at him before he finally disappeared behind the door. 

A few minutes later, a knock came at his door. Fubuki gave them permission to come in, knowing that it was probably one of the managers with his food. He was bracing himself the nagging he was possibly going to face but what he got was not what he expected. 

Opening the door was none other than the _hot_ Greek God, Gouenji Shuuya himself, looking far more delicious than the meal he was holding. _Shhh, calm thyself, Fubuki Shirou._

"Fubuki, I heard from Hiroto that you were sick." He said in a voice softer than usual. He had a worried look on his face as he settled the tray of food on the smaller's bedside table. He placed a hand against the sick boy's forehead, unaware of the effect it had on the other, and frowned, "You're very warm. You should take care of yourself more." 

"I drank the medicine last night " Fubuki spoke up, trying to defend himself. He felt like a child being scolded by their parents except he was being scolded by his crush. 

"Still, you should have been more careful. You're aware of your own health." Gouenji helped Fubuki up by rearranging his pillows and propping him into a comfortable sitting position. 

The smaller one was confused as to what the other was doing but at the same time, he was flustered and feeling giddy at the gesture. Thank goodness his blush could be excused by his fever. However, when Gouenji took the food from the tray and started to spoon-feed him, Fubuki looked at him with wide eyes and an even redder face than was possible, "umm, what are you doing, Gouenji-kun?" 

"Hiroto said you can't get up and that you need help taking your food. So I'll help you." Gouenji said, a worried look on his face.

_Damn you, Hiroto-kun!_

"Why? Is it still too hot for you?" The flame striker asked, a little clueless about Fubuki's inner turmoil. Despite being really observant, he's still a little dense at some things. With a small smile, he blew at the spoon he held before he offered it to the blushing, nearly dying male, "Here. It's not too hot now." 

Fubuki didn't cough anything up that morning but his heart felt like it was being assaulted. Who told Gouenji to be so cool and sweet at the same time? Oh and, Hiroto's a dead man the next moment he'd step into Fubuki's room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for this chapter. I know I stated in the tags that this is gonna be a three-shot but I think it's either the next chapter would be longer or I'd have to divide it into more chapters. It depends. The ending is already planned but it's the events leading to it would be quite long. Maybe I'll divide it to more chapters to not seem rushed. This story won't extend beyond five anyway. Cause I have another plot in mind once this one's done hehehe. I love GouFubu still even if this fandom is getting quiet about it :(
> 
> Til next time <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took a while but this chapter is pretty much longer than the previous ones. It’s also more heavy since we’re nearing the end. Please enjoy reading!

A few weeks have passed since that emotionally exhausting yet liberating night of revelation with Hiroto. True to his promise, his friend kept his mouth shut about his secret and is constantly at his rescue in times of need. Be it making excuses for him or helping him hide the mess in his room, or anywhere he might accidentally cough out.  
  
Although a few members—in fact most, much to Fubuki's worry—had been suspicious of them, especially the perceptive ones like Kidou, Gouenji and Kazemaru. And if it hadn't been for Hiroto backing him up every time, Fubuki wouldn't be able to escape their worried questions and attentive gazes.  
  
Even so, there's only so little that they can do with their repeated excuses about Fubuki's sickness. It's been weeks so people have truly been concerned about him and have considered sending him to the hospital. He tried his best to avoid it though. Getting check-ups would risk his secret if he was to be observed by the professional eye.  
  
It has become a routine these days for Coach Kudou to bench him because he said that he was too pale or that he looked like he was going to collapse any time. After that, he would be scolded for not taking care of his health and was warned of the training he was going to catch up with once he gets better—if he gets better.  
  
 _No_ , Fubuki thought with determination, quickly erasing the doubt. _I will get better. I worked hard to be here. I can't let some flowers hold me down._  
  
But as if the flowers were trying to mock him, he felt the familiar feeling rising up his esophagus. Fubuki brought a hand up over his lips and cleared his throat, instantly catching Hiroto's attention. Over the weeks, the redhead had learned to take that as a cue from Fubuki whenever the forward-defender was on the verge of puking.  
  
"I think I forgot my phone in my room, " Hiroto suddenly stated in the middle of the discussion he currently had with Kidou, before turning to the quiet Fubuki with a trained smile. "Can you get it for me, Fubuki-kun?"  
  
Grateful for the escape, Fubuki nodded wordlessly and offered him a small smile. He immediately left the area, pointedly ignoring the questioning look Kidou sent his way. If Kidou noticed the form of the phone that was clearly bulging in Hiroto's pocket, he decided not to mention it and only returned to the topic they had been discussing.  
  
Fubuki knows that they're suspicious and he knows that the lies he and Hiroto are fabricating were only thinly veiling his secret. But he'd take any way, twist any truth and create as many lies as he could to keep his secret hidden for much longer. He was thankful that Kidou wasn't as confrontational with him as he was with the others in Raimon or with Fudou. He was also thankful that the rest of the team opted not to voice out their suspicions, even though it was clear in their faces that they knew something was up.  
  
But this was also what Fubuki feared. The shift of the mood whenever they saw him and the fact that it had affected most of the members. He was worrying them. If their performance was affected by this, which it hadn't been yet and Fubuki hopes it won't ever, then he might not forgive himself for dragging the team down. He failed them once, he wouldn't want to do it again.  
  
But he knew that one day they would tire of this and they'd push him into a corner, making him spill the truth. The very thought of it had Fubuki closing the door to his room louder than he had intended. Once inside, he reached for the paper bags beneath his bed that Hiroto had bought for him.  
  
Orange petals that were nearly red piled into that bag as Fubuki poured it all out. He let his head lean on the corner of his bed, waiting until the petals stopped coming out which would probably be in another minute or two. He was slowly starting to get used to the feeling—which scared Fubuki. He didn't want to get used to this.  
  
He couldn't imagine living life forever hiding like this. To be in this weakened and fragile state for a long time. He feared the thought of it. He wanted to be someone strong enough to run with the team. He no longer wanted to sit at the bench with a towel over his head and a trembling on his feet.  
  
He wanted to be with everyone. Playing on the field and not worrying about anything else but winning. He wanted to carry their burdens with them, not become a source of it. He wanted to stand on equal footing with everyone. To become a worthy member of Inazuma Japan and to fulfil his childhood dream. He wanted to shake the big world off its feet and not be the one shaken down by something as small as a fragile flower.  
  
This disease and his unrequited feelings were a nuisance and he hated that he was slowly getting accustomed to it. But he hated even more the thought that he knew how to fix this quickly but refused to because he didn't want to let go of his feelings.  
  
He didn't want to let go of Gouenji just yet. This piece of fondness towards the flame striker. This fondness that came from the gratefulness, from the admiration, from the love he felt for the forward who was his beacon of light in the darkness.  
  
If he were to lose these feelings, he would lose everything that came with it. And the very thought of looking at Gouenji, at the one who made his heart beat and his cheeks heat up, and to suddenly feel nothing. To suddenly be emptied out of all things that came with loving the flame striker. The very thought of it alone agonizes him more than the physical pain he was feeling right now.  
  
This was cruel. Way too cruel. Wasn't it enough that his feelings were forever unreciprocated? Why must he suffer with everything else as a consequence for loving someone he couldn't have? Sometimes Fubuki wondered if he had done something cruel in his past life. He must have done something to deserve this.  
  
Fubuki wallowed in self-pity and before long, as if the gods have suddenly pitied him, the petals stopped coming out and the pain in his chest slowly numbed. His head still felt fuzzy and he could feel a tingling sensation all the way to his fingertips that were cold and numb.  
  
His throat was parched and was practically begging for water. But even if he wanted to, he barely had any energy to stand up after his physically and emotionally painful predicament. Nevertheless, Fubuki pushed himself up with great effort.  
  
With wobbly and unstable legs, he got himself to stand on his feet and had to close his eyes for a moment when he saw the room swirl in his vision. He was slowly starting to see stars and if he wasn't in so much pain, he would laugh at his own illusions. But this wasn't an illusion, this pain was real and this pain was the bane of Fubuki's life.  
  
He blindly reached out for his bed post and used it to guide himself to his bed. He leaned his temple on the headboard and took a few deep breaths. Eventually, the pain slowly subsided and he finally allowed himself to open his eyes.  
  
His vision was still a bit hazy but it was slowly normalizing. He turned to the paper bag in his hands and slowly folded the opening to not let anything spill. He then placed it beneath his bedside table, knowing that Hiroto would take it out for him if he couldn't.  
  
His throat was still dry but Fubuki decided against getting water by now. If he goes to the kitchen to get water, that would mean passing the common room where most were lounging at and Fubuki didn't want to face their concerned gazes.  
  
 _Maybe_ , Fubuki thought groggily as he was slowly drifting to sleep _, I should keep my own tumbler of water here in case._  
  
He probably had that thought a hundred times by now yet always forgot to act on it the next morning. He was too tired to even think and no amount of sleep could help him regain the strength he used to have.  
  
And soon enough, Fubuki Shirou drifted into a painless and dreamless sleep. His mind was too tired to even torment him in his dreams and Fubuki was just glad that he could have a break from all things that hurt.  
  
But eventually, he'd still have to wake up and face the painful mornings when he, as most days, would once again puke into the paper bags he kept near his bed.  
  
He gave it a minute before the onslaught of petals seized. Breathing in and out, he was thankful that this morning was brief and merciful as it could be. He noticed the paper bags last night were no longer on his bedside table and Fubuki knew it was thanks to Hiroto.  
  
A knock from his door surprised Fubuki and he felt himself become nervous. If it was Hiroto, he wouldn't knock and would just enter since Fubuki gave him a copy of his room key. The knocking must mean that it was either the managers or his teammates.  
  
 _No_ , Fubuki had a second thought, _the managers have spare keys as well and they’ve been carrying it around since that last timel. It must be ­­­someone from the team._  
  
"Fubuki?" He recognized this voice belonging to his jovial Captain, Endou Mamoru. Except his voice wasn't as cheery as it usually was. It was somber and quiet and that sound made Fubuki's anxiousness grow. He took a few breaths before he got himself to stand.  
  
Opening the door, he mustered a soft smile towards his captain, hoping it would convince him. Convince him what? Fubuki doesn't know. All that he knows is that he wants everyone to think that he is alright. But the expression Endou made had Fubuki wonder how tired his face must have looked right now.  
  
"Good morning, Captain!" Fubuki soldiered on with his facade, pulling his smile wider and his eyes closing to appear more joyful. "How may I help you?"  
  
Alright, maybe being too polite was being too suspicious. He was usually so casual with Endou and he was hoping that the other boy won't notice his pretense. And if he did, he chose not to react to it.  
  
Endou gave him one of his famous wide grins, albeit it seemed a little strained. The Captain reached for his shoulder as he usually would, except for the fact that it was placed more carefully as if he was afraid to break Fubuki. The delicate treatment left a bitter taste on Fubuki's tongue but he decided to swallow the feeling down. He was not fragile.  
  
"I asked the Coach to allow you to accompany us to our morning jog. It's been weeks without you and we're starting to miss you." Endou said hopefully, before he added in a softer, hesitant voice, "Don't worry. If you're still not feeling well, we can run at a slower pace or do something less tiring."  
  
"No, " Fubuki replied, pride bruised by those words and slowly drowning out the caution in his mind. " Let's do the usual. I'm fine now. I can still keep up with everyone."  
  
"But Fubuki—" Endou's eyes widened and he looked like he regretted his words for a moment but that only made Fubuki feel worse. To be the cause of worry to his carefree Captain was a shame.  
  
"I'm fine." Fubuki spoke louder and harsher than he intended. Realizing his mistake upon seeing the startled expression on Endou's face, he took a deep breath and schooled a small, apologetic smile. With a softer voice he added, "I'm fine, Captain. Just give me a few moments to change and I'll be downstairs with all of you."  
  
"Oh, " Endou whispered before he snapped out of his shock and gave him another pat on the shoulder, this time making Fubuki smile at the usual strength that came with it. He offered him another grin and a thumbs up as he said, "We'll be waiting for you then! Don't be later than 10 minutes or you'll be given extra laps!"  
  
"You should tell that to Gouenji-kun, not me." Fubuki replied with humor, smile fond nevertheless. "He's the one that always runs with extra laps."  
  
"Well you lose because Gouenji woke up earlier than you today!" Endou grinned back at him, "in fact, he was the one who suggested to me that we do this."  
  
Fubuki blinked at that new information, his heart fluttering at the thought that the flame striker wanted him to join them, "Gouenji-kun did?"  
  
"Yup! He said and I quote:" Endou grinned widely before he cleared his throat and lowered his voice at an attempt to imitate Gouenji, "Endou, we should invite Fubuki with us in our morning jog. He's still part of the team. I'm sure he would be happy to join us."  
  
Fubuki blinked at those words, letting them sink in before a soft smile graced his lips. He felt a gentle warmth spread on his chest, gradually replacing the pain that was previously there. Gouenji always knew how to render Fubuki speechless and leave him feeling all mushy.  
  
"I'll be down in a few, Captain." Fubuki said, smile still on his face. After hearing those words, gone were his bruised ego and all that was left was the excitement of finally jogging with everyone. And so he told Endou, "I miss being with everyone too."  
  
"Well, what are we waiting for then?" Endou grinned before he waved at Fubuki, "hurry up and change! We'll be at the field waiting for you! Sick or not, you'll get those extra laps if you’re late!"  
  
"You wish!" Fubuki laughed as he waved goodbye to Endou. When the captain finally jogged along the hallway, Fubuki closed his door and started changing for the day.  
  
In his excitement, he finished in less than two minutes and was immediately out the door with the intention to race himself towards the field. However, Hiroto seemed to have a different plan in mind.  
  
"Fubuki-kun, what are you doing?" Hiroto gestured to the forward-defender wearing his jersey and said, " you know you can't do this. It's gonna risk your secret. What if you cough up in front of everyone?"  
  
"I won't. " Fubuki replied with a confident smile. "My chest feels lighter than usual and I'm feeling great today."  
  
"You mean you feel great right at this moment but that doesn't mean you'll feel the same later. You know how open the field is and if you feel like coughing, there's so much distance between there and the nearest place to hide." Hiroto said, worry evident on his tone and expression, "I mean as much as I want to tell everyone about your pain, I'm sure you don't want them to know and I don't want you to become uncomfortable."  
  
"I know." Fubuki sighed, feeling guilty for causing so much burden to his close friend. But then just imagining the feel of the wind as he runs, being surrounded by his teammates as they jog and the thought of Gouenji making this happen just brought so much joy in Fubuki that he felt that nothing would go wrong. "I'll be fine."  
  
"Fubuki-kun—" Hiroto halted in his words when he saw the expression on Fubuki's face. It was a mix of anticipation—as if he had all that he was waiting for beyond the hall that Hiroto was blocking— and something Hiroto recognized as the look of someone who has been told something they always wanted to hear.  
  
Fubuki wanted this. Hiroto can clearly see it. And despite all the warning signs, all the things that could possibly go wrong, he suddenly couldn't find it in himself to take his happiness away. But still, the worry lingered.  
  
"Gouenji-kun arranged this." Fubuki said. His eyes were glistening and Hiroto finally realized what that look entailed. "He convinced Captain to invite me and I don't want to reject their invitation. I want to be with everyone. I don't want to be left behind."  
  
 _I don't want to be alone._  
  
Those words didn't need to be said but Hiroto could hear it loud and clear. So he decided to let the worry go and gave Fubuki his smile, "very well, Fubuki-kun. But just making sure you know that if ever you feel anything wrong, you'll stop and signal me. We'll make do somehow."  
  
"Thank you, Hiroto-kun." Fubuki smiled back at him before patting his shoulder and running down the hall with a big smile on his face, "Race you to the field! Last person to arrive gets to give their dessert to the winner!"  
  
"Hey, no fair!" Hiroto laughed heartedly as he chased after the faster Fubuki, who was like the wind itself. "You're clearly the fast runner and you had a head start!"  
  
"I'm sick and barely ran for weeks so that makes it even." Fubuki laughed, running down the stairs.  
  
"Doesn't make any difference." Hiroto replied, worry disseminating every second he heard of his friend's laughter.  
  
Soon enough, they were already at the field where everyone else was waiting. As predicted, there were several that were, like Hiroto, worried and hesitant about Fubuki joining them again. The stretches were at a snail’s pace as if they wanted to give Fubuki time to adjust. Even as they jogged, most of the members even slowed their pace, hoping to help Fubuki.  
  
Rather than damaging his ego like it did earlier, Fubuki decided to take it in a positive light. His members cared for him in their own ways. It might not be the way that he wanted but he appreciated their sentiments anyway. However, he smirked, he was going to prove to them that Fubuki Shirou, sick or not, is never someone you should underestimate.  
  
At their last lap, Fubuki sped up and slipped in between Kazemaru and Endou who jogged in front of him. This caused many surprise to his teammates and Kazemaru told him to not push himself. But before Fubuki could tell him he was alright, Gouenji suddenly sped up to match Fubuki's pace.  
  
The flame striker smirked at his way, causing Fubuki to blush a bit before he reciprocated the smile. Understanding the challenge, Fubuki quickened his pace and suddenly it became a race between the two strikers.  
  
The worries of the others soon drowned out and everyone was racing rather than jogging on their last lap. He could hear laughter from behind when Sakuma had apparently tripped and yelled at Fudou who he blamed was responsible for it. Kogure's laughter made Fubuki doubt that though.  
  
Soon enough, Kazemaru was right beside him with a challenging smile. "Let's see if you can still keep up, Fubuki."  
  
"I'm sure he can." Gouenji encouraged behind him, panting as he ran. He may have held the crown and scepter when it came to strength and stamina but when it came to speed, the throne equally belonged to Kazemaru and Fubuki.  
  
A surge of energy burst through at those words and Fubuki ran faster to meet Kazemaru's challenge. The two of them raced against each other, neck to neck however, Kazemaru ended up winning by an inch.  
  
As soon as they stopped, Fubuki was catching his breath, his legs aching and no longer used after weeks of inactivity. However, Fubuki loved this feeling. Soon enough, he raised his head and met Kazemaru's gaze who was smiling at him.  
  
"I guess we were worried for nothing." The defender said, "I'm sure we would have tied or you probably would have won if you hadn't been sick. You really are amazing, Fubuki."  
  
"Kazemaru-kun too." Fubuki smiled back still panting, "Congratulations on winning. I'll get you next time."  
  
"Fubuki, " he hear Gouenji's voice as the flame striker approached him. He offered him a drink to which Fubuki graciously accepted. "It's good seeing you here again."  
  
"It's good to be here again too." Fubuki replied with a smile before saying, "Thank you, Gouenji-kun. If it hadn't been for you, this wouldn't have happened."  
  
"It's not me." Gouenji smiled, "it was your decision to come here. I only gave you a little push. Besides, it would be better if you sweat out rather than always staying inside."  
  
"You're right." The forward-defender said. His chest felt light and there was no telltale sign of his disease about to come out. He was feeling great today. Maybe he could actually play with them on the field today.  
  
Maybe he could play with Gouenji again.  
  
Maybe he thought too fast.  
  
One moment he was smiling with Gouenji, warmth spreading inside him like a comfortable blanket. The next moment, Toramaru was running towards the flame striker for a chat and Fubuki felt the bitter jealousy splash on him like a cold water. Wet blankets wrapped around you never did sound good. In fact it was uncomfortable, much like the feeling that was growing fast in his chest.  
  
And as it grew, panic rose along with it. Bringing a hand up his mouth, he searched for Hiroto in the crowd only to find him talking with Endou and Kidou at a distance.  
  
Breathing suddenly became hard and he was uncertain if it was because he pushed himself too hard with that race or because of the onslaught of petals rising up his throat. Either way, Fubuki was rushing his way out of the field, failing to see the alarmed and worried look Gouenji sent him.  
  
He ignored the flame striker's call and the voices of the others that followed as he ran away from them, hoping that he was faster than the pain that rose. However, speed wasn't the problem for in his haste, he failed to notice Fuyuka on his way and that small mistake caused him to crash against her and lose balance.  
  
It all happened too quickly. His hand left his lips as he reached out to save their manager from falling by instinct. And as flashes of regret crossed his mind, he could barely register the horrified look on Fuyuka's face when Fubuki fell to the ground that was soon littered with orange petals.  
  
His secret was laid open, bare on the field for everyone to see. And as much as Fubuki wanted to assure them, he could hardly speak a word as the petals continued to flow and the agony grew by the second. He faintly noticed how he was soon crowded by the members who were ranging from worried yells to horrified whispers and questions.  
  
The world around Fubuki was shaking and slowly crumbling. He felt pain and pain and pain until it seized and all that was left was the realization and shame. Shame. Shame. Shame on him.  
  
All the petals on the ground. Shame. Fuyuka's horrified gaze. Shame. The echoes of worries around him that he wanted to block out but he couldn't even move his hands to cover his ears. Shame. He couldn't even raise his head to face them. Shame. All he wanted was for the ground to open up and swallow him whole so that he wouldn't have to deal with the shame that formed inside and the guilt that accompanied it among many others.  
  
He felt like he was in a different time bubble and everyone around him were in slow motion, their words barely recognizable. Until one warm hand was placed on his shoulder and he looked up by instinct. He found himself gazing up to familiar dark eyes.  
  
Eyes that shone with concern, and questions. So many questions. And those were Gouenji's eyes. Dark eyes that gazed at him that stormy night from months ago. The same dark eyes that gazed at him in this chaotic moment. Without thinking, Fubuki bought a hand up to clutch the striker's arm. Silently begging for help and as if Gouenji heard and understood him, he turned to the others and said, "Give him space. He needs to breathe."  
  
The flame striker's voice was deep but urgent. It was like a knife that cut through the panic and chaos and effectively silencing the rest of the team. The hand on Fubuki's shoulder was lifted off and the forward-defender felt himself panic at the loss of it. However, he was soon enveloped in a warm hug, strong and protective.  
  
Eventually Fubuki succumbed to that embrace and comfort in this midst of chaos. He brought his hands up to grip the flame striker's shirt and buried his head—to hide away the shame— on the other's torso. The action made Gouenji wrap his arms around him tighter and pulled him closer.  
  
Everything was tranquil in that embrace. His erratic breathing slowly started to ease. His rapidly beating heart started to normalize. The throbbing in his head quieted down. The ringing in his ears stopped. The pain in his chest was washed over by the warmth that wrapped around him like a blanket. Soon enough, Fubuki's grip loosened and he relied all his weight on Gouenji.  
  
In a moment of weakness, Fubuki let go of all pretense and let the dam break. A few tears escaped his eyes and were immediately absorbed by Gouenji's shirt. If it was in another situation, Fubuki would have been mortified and apologizing for ruining the other’s shirt. But his secret had been laid bare and his emotions were overriding his thinking. All he wanted was to cry and hide away from the rest of the world.  
  
And just be stuck in the position he was currently in. Right here, basking in Gouenji's warmth. For a moment, he could trick himself that this was something else. That he was in this embrace for a different reason. That this embrace could be due to a moment of love and not because the flame striker only pitied him.  
  
However, all things must come to an end. The crowd eventually cleared up and he felt a shadow looming over the two of them—over him. And when that shadow—Coach Kudou­—finally spoke, Fubuki's moment of solace was broken in an instant.  
  
"Fubuki Shirou, " his voice was deep and hard. Fubuki knew that he was most likely disappointed in him, "I want you in the caravan right now."  
  
"But I'm— " Fubuki pulled away from the embrace to reason out. However as soon as his eyes met with the Coach's dark ones. He immediately shut his mouth and looked away.  
  
"I won't take any of your excuses." The Coach said with a finality in his voice, "I will send you to the hospital whether you like it or not. I will not have a member dying in my watch."  
  
The mention of death seemed to wash fear over everyone else. Fubuki and yes, even Gouenji included. The flame striker tightened his grip on Fubuki but the forward-defender couldn't find the courage in him to look up. He simply lowered his head, separated from the warm embrace and attempted to stand on his own. With difficulty and stubbornness, he left the team’s worried gazes and headed away on his own.  
  
It all came too fast after that. One moment he was in Gouenji's embrace, the next thing he knew, he was already sitting in the caravan and being driven to the hospital. His body felt cold, whether it was due to the Hanahaki disease or his fear, he did not know. Perhaps it was both.  
  
Soon enough, he was at the hospital. A few check ups were done and Fubuki simply blocked everything out. Fubuki felt like a nervous wreck and it made his condition worse. He was eventually leaving petals at almost every place they passed. The hallways, the emergency room and the x-ray room. He coughed so much that the doctors and nurses rushed to his aid and rushed the process of his hospital admission.  
  
The need to do surgery was becoming a necessity by now because he was apparently at a dangerous stage of the disease. The x-ray had shown that the flower has already fully occupied his chest and had extended to his lungs. If left alone, Fubuki might end up being unable to breath one day and just die.  
  
Even so, it was by right of the law that the final say belonged to Fubuki. Coach Kudou may have been his guardian right now, but this was Fubuki’s body. Critical or not, it’s up to Fubuki whether he wanted the flowers removed or not. Whether he wanted to live with emptiness or die with his feelings.

And despite all the results, all the warnings and proof that his death would come lest he did something about it, Fubuki kept stubbornly shaking his head at the offer of a surgery. The doctor was clearly frustrated and Coach Kudou pursed his lips. Even so, Fubuki simply asked that they give him more time to think.

Despite the worry, Coach Kudou relented. “Only for today,” He said to the anxious boy, “I’ll give you time to think for today. By tomorrow, there needs to be a decision. We can’t extend this. You might die anytime by now. And if not, the flowers might cause internal damage and give you more complications for the rest of your life.”

“I understand.” Fubuki nodded, sadness and conflict reflected on his face. He was at lost. He wanted to live. He wanted to live so bad. But why was he so scared? He thought it was just a simple crush yet here he is, fearing the loss of his love over his own life. He didn’t want to stop loving Gouenji. The very thought of it scared him.

To no longer feel something for the one you felt so much for. His feelings for Gouenji were not just love—they were also of companionship, of trust, of gratefulness, of comfort, of everything. To imagine losing all of that after his surgery, to look at Gouenji again and feel nothing. It sounded so lonely. To imagine that what if the flame striker held him, smiled at him after his surgery and Fubuki would just stare at him and feel _nothing_.

No warmth, just emptiness. No comfort, just nothingness. To look at Gouenji and feel like a stranger beside him. To remember what he did for him and feel nothing. Not even gratefulness, no. Removing the flower meant removing Gouenji. He won’t even feel angry; he won’t even feel sad—he’s just there. He’ll love everyone the same, he’ll smile with Captain, trust Hiroto, and laugh with the others. But with Gouenji, there would be nothing. That’s the price that came with his saving his own life. At the expense of losing Gouenji forever.

Of never feeling _anything_ for him ever again.

When Fubuki laid on the hospital bed, he stared out the window and thought hard. What should he do? Should he let go or should he hold on? The rational part of his mind told him to let go. To live another day and play soccer without any distractions. Someoka did it. The dragon striker’s performance had been affected by his Hanahaki disease but when he took the surgery, he returned stronger than ever.

Although Someoka seemed to act like a stranger nowadays but he was stronger now. He ran across the field with only the goal in mind, no feelings to distract him, no pain in his chest. Someoka reached his dream and he didn’t seem to regret anything. Fubuki could do the same. He can run with the wind without having to worry over his love and his life.

But the emotional part of Fubuki—the bigger and louder part—told him it would hurt. Which was ironic because he would literally erase all feelings towards Gouenji. But now, the thought hurts. How hard has he fallen that Gouenji alone was heavier than all other consequences? Fubuki felt tears form at the thought, but he wiped them away before they could even fall. Heck, he’s even become a crybaby nowadays because of it.

Perhaps there was so little space in his chest now and it’s so full that anything added more to it would cause him to spill. And so, more tears fell and he wiped them away each time. Eventually, he couldn’t keep up and he started sobbing.

At that exact moment, Someoka entered the room.

“Fubuki,” the man said. There was no hint of surprise in his voice nor worry. Just a mention of the forward-defender’s name to announce his presence. “You’re crying.” It sounded like an observation and nothing more.

“Someoka-kun,” Fubuki acknowledged, surprised by the man’s sudden appearance. _Speak of the devil,_ Fubuki thought as he quickly wiped his tears away and stifled his sobs. “What brought you here?”

“The whole team is outside.” Someoka informed him. Unlike his usual rough yet welcoming voice, he spoke almost like he didn’t know what to do. Someoka had been one of his closest friends and his confidant. But ever since the forward had his surgery, they had rarely spoke. “The doctor specified that you cannot have several visitors at the same time so the team decided to meet you one by one. We’re given a minute each to talk and greet you.”

“Oh,” Fubuki said. He felt dejected and little nervous at the thought of meeting everyone. But he was also glad that he won’t be overwhelmed by meeting them all at the same time. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?” Someoka asked. There was no hint of curiosity in his voice and there was barely even a smile on his lips nor a crease on his forehead. He merely stared at Fubuki, as if he didn’t care whether the forward-defender would reply or not. For some reason, it hurt Fubuki.

“For hiding my condition.” Fubuki replied, staring at Someoka and waiting for his reaction only to find none. No scolding, no comfort, no telling him that things would turn okay. Someoka just stared at him as if he was waiting for Fubuki to speak or for the time to pass. “Did I worry you?”

Someoka opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He blinked twice and said, “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Fubuki echoed, a little bit hurt at the lack of concern yet at the same time, dreading the suspicion that was forming at the back of his mind.

“I feel nothing.” Someoka replied and for some reason, Fubuki thinks he finally understood why his friend never talked to him the same way again. Someoka seemed to have realized that Fubuki understood because he admitted, “Do you remember when I had surgery?”

“Yes,” Fubuki replied, eyebrows scrunched and his heart aching.

“I had it removed. My feelings for you that is.” Someoka admitted with a blank tone. Despite expecting it, Fubuki felt a sharp pain in his chest at the revelation. “If it makes you feel better, I think I would have been worried for you. I think I would care and I would catch you too like Gouenji did.”

Someoka looked away, as if he didn’t know what else to say. As if the words he said felt foreign to him, “I think I would feel sorry. I think I would apologize for throwing you away. I did care for you. I can’t—I don’t know how much anymore. But if it makes you feel better, our promise to be like the wind someday did give me so much hope. Or I think it did.”

“Thank you,” Fubuki said, holding his hand over his aching chest. “Thank you for caring so much for me. Thank you for telling me too. And I’m sorry I never noticed. It must have been hard for you.”

“It was. You were pining over Gouenji that it had hurt to look at both of you.” Someoka admitted, he grimaced a bit and looked away, “I don’t feel anything for you anymore but I guess the jealousy towards Gouenji remained.”

The pink haired striker sighed, “Just that it feels misplaced now without my feelings for you. I guess that’s the price of cutting off something without closure. I don’t feel anything for you anymore but it left my envy for Gouenji hanging in the air. Now I just feel jealous for no reason, I guess. And I will continue to be because unless there’s a Hanahaki for envy, I can’t remove a misplaced feeling.” Someoka tried to joke but his smile barely reached his eyes. “I’m not even jealous of his skills anymore. I just am jealous and that’s it. I remember the reason was you but I can’t feel it.”

“Someoka-kun,” Fubuki was speechless. Does this mean that even if he erases everything, he would still be jealous towards Toramaru? Would that mean that he’d inexplicably be biased against the kid for the rest of his life? Wouldn’t that be unfair? Toramaru would just stand there and do nothing and Fubuki would envy him. And Fubuki himself couldn’t even explain nor stop it.

And Gouenji—wouldn’t that be unfair for him too? Right now, when Someoka confessed the truth. Even if Fubuki felt no romantic affection for him, he was hurt. Someoka was a dear friend yet to the pink-haired forward, he was just a stranger now. No matter if he tried to bond with the other, they would never be the same and Someoka couldn’t even bring himself to care for Fubuki even if he wanted to.

Would Fubuki end up hurting Gouenji if the flame striker would learn the truth? If that time comes, Fubuki could no longer assure him then. He probably wouldn’t even feel the need nor would he know what words to say because he felt _nothing._

“You probably should take the surgery.” Someoka told him, cutting him off his thoughts, “It may be hard—I remember it was hard for me. But after the surgery, nothing changes except your chest feels lighter and you can’t get hurt anymore. As for me, I can no longer feel love for you or anyone else but I can still play and laugh with the others. I had to distance myself from you and I don’t feel guilty for it. Forgive me if I sound blunt but I don’t feel any need to stop myself. I can focus on my goal without any distraction. It would be great if you did the same. I’m sure Atsuya would have done the same.”

Atsuya.

Fubuki allowed himself to smile. Of course Atsuya would go forth and bulldoze anything on his path. No barricade would stop his twin and he’d push himself further. Sometimes, Fubuki wished it was Atsuya in his place right now and he’d find himself curl up within his mind, waiting for Atsuya to give him back control when the problems are all fixed.

A minute has passed and soon enough, several others had their time with him. Endou cried and promised him he would be there for Fubuki no matter what decision he made. Kazemaru gave him hope by stating that he and Endou had worked out theirs. He, in fact, encouraged Fubuki to confess and if the person does not reciprocate, then he can do the surgery. Fubuki retaliated that he didn’t want to pressure or burden the person with the knowledge.

Then followed Kidou who, like Endou, openly supported him whatever his decision would be. Albeit it was stated in a calmer manner. Tsunami gave him series of pick me ups related to the ocean, Tachimukai talked to him and wished him well, Fudou was straightforward and told him not to die because he had a role in their upcoming tactics and Hijikata told him to live because they needed to shoot their Thunder Beast again.

Kabeyama offered him food and cried over him. The younger told him that he missed defending the goal with Fubuki . Sakuma gave him a meditating advice and wished him well, Tobitaka was a man of few words but his gesture was enough to show that he was worried, Toramaru even brought him food and Fubuki felt the guilt eating him up.

When Hiroto came, Fubuki held him and apologized. Hiroto seemed to have been scolded for hiding his secret but the redhead didn’t mind. All he wanted was for Fubuki to be alright. “Tell him,” Hiroto said, “Tell him how you feel and if it doesn’t work out, you can take the surgery.”

“But I can’t.” Fubuki said, hesitation in his voice, “I don’t want to burden him with my feelings. I don’t want him to accept me just because he feels guilty or it might damage our friendship.”

“Then you’ll take the surgery then?” Hiroto pried to which Fubuki shook his head.

“I don’t know.” He brought his hand up his face, clearly stressed by all this. “I don’t know what decision to make.”

Hiroto pursed his lips, unsure what to tell his friend. So he simply held him closer, hoping that his gesture was enough to comfort him. He knew that it wasn’t but this was the best he could do.

Their minute passed and Fubuki was already exhausted—physically, mentally and emotionally—by the time the last person entered. And that person had to be Gouenji Shuuya. Can’t he just skip the flame striker?

“Hey,” the platinum blonde said when he entered room. He swiftly crossed the distance and pulled a chair near Fubuki’s bed. Once seated, he stared at Fubuki in the eyes, worry, questions and many more dancing in those dark orbs. But rather than stating them, he smiled and asked, “How are you?”

“As fine as I can be,” Fubuki tried to smile, although shakenly. He directed his gaze towards the door behind the striker, wishing for the seconds to pass by faster. “I’m sorry for worrying you and for ruining your shirt today.”

“It’s not a bother.” Gouenji replied with the smallest of smiles. His eyes were conveying many things that they both left unsaid. “I was sweaty anyway. I’m sorry I couldn’t provide you a better place to cry on.”

“No,” Fubuki said as he thought, _it was a perfect place._ He finally stared Gouenji in the eyes again and said, “You really helped me there. I didn’t know what to do with everyone staring at me. It was a good thing I had you as my support.”

“I’m glad to help.” Gouenji replied. He leaned backwards and turned to the table beside Fubuki’s hospital bed. He stared at the paper that showed Fubuki’s check-up results and pondered out loud, “Hanahaki, huh? So who’s the lucky girl?”

“Huh? Oh, it’s not a—“ Fubuki blushed and looked away. “I’m not in love with any girl.”

Gouenji blinked at the revelation before leaning forward, causing Fubuki to blush at how close his crush was, “Well then,” the flame striker smirked at him, “we better pay our respects to all your would-be brokenhearted fan girls. Who’s the lucky guy then?”

Fubuki spluttered at the question, his face turning red. Why would Gouenji try to pry him with this question? Aside from Someoka and Hiroto, nobody mentioned nor asked about the person of his affection. Well, looking back, Tachimukai may have commented about the lucky girl and Fubuki didn’t bother to correct him. So why did he correct Gouenji?

Oh yeah, he felt the need to come clean in case—in case what? Was Fubuki still hoping for something? He shook his head comically to erase those thoughts, causing Gouenji to chuckle. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” the flame striker assured him. He chuckled for a bit before his face morphed into a somber expression, causing Fubuki to be more anxious. “What do you plan to do now?”

“I—“Fubuki hesitated, eyes downcast as he pondered over a thousand times by now. What was the best course of action? Fubuki knew what it was but the question was, is he willing to take it? Looking up to find Gouenji’s eyes trained on him, he sighed, “I don’t know.”

Gouenji seemed to have taken his answer and closed his eyes, contemplating with him. “Do you want to tell him?” he asked a few seconds later, “ Do you want to tell him about your feelings?”

“No,” Fubuki shook his head. He knew he has been asked this several times, but each time, he felt his resolve grow stronger the more he states his answer, “I don’t want to burden him with the guilt of knowing he’s the cause nor pressure him into loving me. I don’t want to hurt him.”

“I think he can take it like a man.” Gouenji told him. “Whoever that man is, I think he’d rather listen to you than to find out when you’re already—“the flame striker paused, not wanting to finish his sentence. They were quiet for a while, letting the situation and Gouenji’s words sink in. Eventually the flame striker said, “I think you should tell them. You never know if they feel the same. I mean, you’re Fubuki Shirou. Surely, they’d feel an ounce of something towards you.”

“No,” Fubuki shook his head, disagreeing. “He’s so much more than me. He feels out of my reach and I’m happy just being with him and running with him. But I know I’m not the kind of person he likes. Besides, I think he already likes someone else.”

“How did you know? Did you ask him?” When Fubuki shook his head as an answer, Gouenji smiled, “See? So it’s just an assumption. There’s so many things we assume but we could never really tell what a person is thinking just by looking at them. You never know that if you tell him, he might actually like you back. But if he doesn’t and if he’s a jerk about it, tell me and I’ll Bakunetsu Screw the bastard on the face. “

“Gouenji-kun, no!” Fubuki yelled, laughing in between his words. _You can’t hissatsu shoot yourself, you dork!_ He thought fondly before smiling at the striker, “I don’t want to force him and please don’t hurt him. It wouldn’t be his fault if he doesn’t feel the same. Besides, is shooting balls at people your way of getting your point across them?”

Now, Gouenji looked a bit flustered and taken aback by the last question. He cleared his throat and schooled a cool façade, “I-uh, I guess?” he looked at Fubuki a bit apologetically and said, “I guess I really made that impression on you huh? I’m sorry about that. It’s just that, I’m not good at words and it felt like the best option at that moment. Did I,uh, go too far?”

“With the whole kicking therapy? Probably.” Fubuki smiled at him, “But everything worked out in the end so we’re cool. Besides, everyone was babying me and treating me as if I would break at any moment again. I appreciate their gesture but I’m glad that you were harsh about it. It helped me think a lot. I kept wondering over your words and it kind of made sense in the end. So thank you for that.”

“Well, when I saw you working hard that night at the riverbank, I felt like you were trying to push yourself and thought that you probably needed a push. I guess it was a rough choice but,” Gouenji sighed, as he shifted his position again, “You opened up about your family and although it was different, it felt familiar. I lost my mother early as a child and my sister went soon after, it felt lonely too. My father and I barely speak and when we do, he was always pushing me forward. I understand that his intent was for good but it wasn’t what I needed. But I got used to that kind of straightforward life that I do the same to many others and to you.”

Fubuki smiled at Gouenji and said, “Well, like you said. We’re not alone now. I’m here with Gouenji-kun and I hope I’m not making you feel lonely.”

“Thank you, Fubuki.” The flame striker smiled, he reached his hand out and placed it on Fubuki’s shoulder. “I’m here too. If ever you feel lonely, just reach out. Let me just ask you one thing,”

Gouenji paused for a while, as if he was hesitating in his words. “Shoot CrossFire with me again.” Was what he ended up saying. Fubuki knew that it wasn’t the words the flame striker had in mind. Gouenji was hesitating and he looked like he had more to say. But the platinum blonde simply closed his eyes and moved his hand from Fubuki’s shoulder to the top of his head, flattening his ahoge. Gouenji pulled them closer and placed their foreheads against each other. “Please come back to the field.”

_Please survive. Please be okay. Please live on._

Those were the words Gouenji left unsaid. Fubuki couldn’t hear them, but he could feel them in Gouenji’s tone, in Gouenji’s hold. They stayed in that position for a while until a nurse came in and announced that visiting hours were over and Gouenji’s minute had ran out.

“Well then,” Gouenji pulled away and patted his head one last time, “I better leave now.”

As the flame striker was slowly walking away, heading towards the door, Fubuki stared at his back, a thousand questions flashing in his minds and words left unsaid were starting to overflow. The desire to be heard and unleashed overwhelmed him that he ended up calling, “Gouenji-kun!”

At the mention of his name, the flame striker’s response was immediate. He turned around and met Fubuki’s eyes—desperate eyes. Fubuki had so many things to ask, so many things to say. _Do you like me? Would you like me? Do you want me to take this surgery? What if I ended up feeling nothing for you, would you be hurt? Would you be affected? Do you have someone you already love? I like you. I really, really like you that it hurts. But I don’t want to hurt you. But I want you to know._

_I love you._

“It’s nothing.” Fubuki laughed as he looked away, “It’s just, um, do you think I can see you tomorrow? Before I tell Coach Kudou about my decision. Do you think—do you think I could talk to you one more time?” _Before I forget everything I feel about you._

Gouenji gave him a small smile. A smile that was so comforting and warm but at the same time so ignorant that it was cruel. “Of course,” he said, voice soft and steady. “I’ll be there whenever you want me.”

“Well then,” Fubuki laughed, holding his tears back. _For some reason, this feels like a goodbye. Like I’m saying good bye._ “ Don’t be late tomorrow.”

“I won’t.” Gouenji smiled before he finally left. Finally disappeared behind the doors. And as soon as his form disappeared, as soon as his footsteps were no longer heard, Fubuki broke down.

In that short minute between them, Fubuki has come to a solution.

He was going to let Gouenji go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there it is! This was longer than the previous ones and I hope you enjoyed it. The next chapter will be the last one. I also have another story I made and it’s called A Voiceless Fairy. If you’re interested, please check it out :D


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